Book Update – November 6, 2008
November 6th, 2008
When illness and life get in the way:
Over the past months Stuart and I have been working on the final copy edit, but I haven’t been getting much work done.
There have been a number of distractions in my personal life, but they have not kept me from working. The truth is that depression, anxiety and pain have kept me from progressing on the book work.
Since my depression and anxiety began to grow worse I have been working on figuring out what is driving this increase in emotional problems. Part of it has been the economy and how it’s affecting our household, part of it is worry over what cuts might be made to HIV care in my county, and part of it has to do with an increase in pain from the nerve injury in my lower back.
I have been given new medication to help with the depression and anxiety, and I’m currently working with my therapist to help with the non-medical side of the equation. In addition, I’ve been giving a lot of thought into what exactly is driving these intensified emotions.
The nerve pain in my lower back is getting worse. This likely means an increase in my pain medication. If it weren’t for the opiates, the trans-dermal Lidocaine patches, and medical marijuana – I would be in agony. All three acting in concert have helped bring the pain back under control, but I’ve been forced to boost the opiates to truly tame the pain.
This means I’m going to have another conversation with my primary care physician, and probably my pain specialist as well. I know they can control my pain and that there are still options out there, but at what cost? Will I become so medicated that I cannot work? Is there a surgical option out there that might fix this problem for good? These are answers that require the employment of a specialist and a number of very expensive tests.
I’ve realized that I have to deal with these problems before I can recommit myself to the final copy edit. I’m going to encourage Stuart to keep working on the edit from his end, so there will be plenty of work waiting for me once my personal problems are resolved.
I don’t like admitting this to myself or to my friends and potential readers. It makes me feel like I’m failing not only myself, but all those who have believed in me and supported me with their kindness and encouragement. I’m grateful beyond measure to all of you, but especially to the love of my life, my partner, Erik.
I am dealing with the emotional right now, and soon I will be dealing with the medical side. Once these problems have stabilized and/or been resolved, I will be able to recommit myself to finishing book one, releasing it, and pushing forward on the rough manuscript of book two, (which is mostly written.)
It may take more time than I thought, but I am determined to have these books see the light of day. I just have to make my personal health a priority right now.
I do want to finish this missive by thanking my friends, my family, my brilliant editor Mr. Stuart Tanner, my equally brilliant artist Mr. Charles Hale, and my Erik; for your encouragement, your friendship, your love, your hard work, and most of all, your patience.
I look forward to getting back on track once I have resolved these personal problems, and I look forward to the day when “Between The Hammer And The Anvil” becomes a reality.
May the universe protect you, watch over you, and guide you in these difficult days to come for all Americans.
Phillip T. Alden – November 06, 2008